wow. ok not to put a damper on things, but i kind of want to die right now. i need to go back to stagedoor. you dont understand. I came back today... Ive been crying all day my eyes are basically swelled shut. i cant stand being home, ive never hated my house this much. not even when i was stuck at home earlier this summer with nothing to do.

the fire alarm in my house is going off. i dont know why. i think ill just ignore it.

Stagedoor was amazing as usual. Cast of Little Shop and room 310... i love you so much. you complete me and you make my life. little shop was an amazing experience... first of all it was my first time getting an actual role at stagedoor. that felt good. but more importantly, our cast was really close, and im not even going to bring up hair because if i compare everything to that then nothing will ever be good again. So our cast ended up being really close... there were no fights or anything and everyone liked each other. The last performance was amazing because everyone's energy was over the top, and when we all put it together it was awesome.  It's an amazing feeling when you know everybody's putting all they have into the show... because its like you can feel everyone else's energy around you and it all sort of swells together.... So yeah, that happened in li'l shop. There were a lot of amazing people this session that im not going to see again because theyre too old or just arent coming back. thats partly why im so depressed right now. i just need to go back. my whole year builds up to stagedoor, so after stagedoor there's nothing to look forward to except stagedoor. IM SO BORED. I NEED TO GO TO REHEARSAL. or SOMETHING. there is NOTHING TO DO. goddamnit. and theres nothing to eat either. i hate this. im in serious need of some zoloft.

for all of you that read this and that were in Hair last year at stagedoor... which is like, one person lol... am i the only one still completely obsessed with the show? did it change anyone elses life? no? just me? okay. well... i dont think any show compares with hair... and im just hoping this summer at stagedoor will be as good if not better as last summer. because the first half of my summer wasnt too promising, i miss onas like fucking hell even though we were definitely the most hated cree ever... i dont see why tho were all good people at heart. lol

i cant fucking wait anymore holy fuck

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

i have a story that happened about 30 seconds ago. so im eating peanuts, right? and im like, something really tastes like peanut butter. but somehow i didnt make the connection. and then i look at the bag and see the word "peanuts" and im like, haa!!! thats why im tasting peanut butter!!! hehee

wow i havent written in fuckin forever...anyway...

STAGEDOOR IS IN A FUCKING WEEK!!! MA'FUKKAH!!! i remember leaving last summer and thinking i would never go back but ITS BEEN A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR HOLY SHIT!!!! aaaaaaahH!!!!! i cant believe it im SO FUCKING EXCITED get ready to party 40% of all the time!!!!

edit...

im almost done harry potter 5... DONT GIVE AWAY THE 6TH ONE... i want to fucking KILL bellatrix fucking BITCH oh my god im so fucking mad i could cry. actually i almost did. im hiding the 6th book from my mom. oh shit shes coming g2g

i love my glasses i want to wear them forever, except my eyes cross when i take them off

OH MY GOD! MY TEETH HURT LIKE A MOTHER

orthodontists are fucking crazy bitches and its all a hoax that was set up to embarass people.

heres my experience at the orthodontist today:

ok so i get there. wait 2 hours. whatever thats the norm. the lady is nice, and i like her at first. so shes like, ok we have to keep your wire in with the stupid loops becuse your gaps arent closed yet. whatever. so she pulls on my wires and "activates" the gap-closing process. [my gaps are now closed and they werent this afternoon]. then i get fuckin chains on my top and bottom teeth to "string all my teeth together". awesome. ok so i can deal with this. then she puts 4 RUBBER BANDS in my mouth and tells me to wear them all the time. ok btw, orthodontsis dont wait you to eat or talk either.

but heres the cream filling:

they take an x-ray to see if they have to put this wire in. and they do. so all the sudden she whips out this BLACK WIRE, that looks like, ok u know those cardio-gram things or whatever, thats like a jagged line? well thats what the wire looked like, and it was all nasty and black., and she put it in and each little point went in between my brackets. and after that you LITERALLY could not SEE my teeth. it looked like a long fuckin strand of spinach had found its way into my mouth and was entwined in my braces.
so of course, i started freaking out, and she wa slike, whats wrong? and i was like, TAKE THIS WIRE OUT. I DO NOT WANT THIS FUCKING WIRE IN MY MOUTH. and she was like ok well ull have to have your braces on longer. and i was like I DONT CARE IF I HAVE MY BRACES ON MY ENTIRE LIFE, TAKE THE FUCKING WIRE OUT. so she took it out. you dont understand how bad it was. i am SO glad its out now, even though my teeth hurt like a fucking bitch.

ORTHODONTISTS ARE CRAZY

cant they figure outa better system than braces????? i dont get it. its like the worst most excrutiating thing they could think of. like, GOSH. can they do better than that? cant they have a thing where you go in for one day, they numb you, fix your teeth with pliers or something, and then let you stay there until youre healed? and keep you numb the whole time? i dont understand. they invented camera phones, ipods, all this microtechnological shit and they cant figure out a better system than braces?? it doesnt make sense?
especailly since their reason for this wire was that "my roots are slanted" well, pardon my french but i dont give a fuck if my roots are slanted, and isnt the point of braces to STRAIGHTEN YOUR TEETH? my teethj are straight already. i dont care about my roots!!! and how exactly do roots slant? someone needs to explain this to me. because i dont understand.

and the doctor said the most obnoxious thing to me. she goes, "why are you upset about your braces? there are better things in life to be upset about. think of those people in england." that just made me more angry. did she think i wasnt upset about that too? did she think i heard it on the news and went, who cares about that, my teeth hurt? it was just a stupid thing to say. she shouldnt even have thought about comparing orthodontia and terrorism.

AAAAAHHHHH MOTHERLAND!!!!

I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL TENNESSEE

I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL STAGEDOOR

oh my jesus how i love summer